To the Woman with Morning Sickness

A letter to the woman with morning sickness,

First of all, congratulations!  You’re pregnant!  That’s pretty darn amazing, awesome, wonderful, and beautiful.  I think we sometimes forget that part when we are in the thick of things with “morning” sickness <– I use quotations because obviously we know it doesn’t just occur at the beginning of the day.  

But don’t worry, I’m not here to tell you to be all positive and cheery 24/7 because you are blessed (though yes, we know you are extremely blessed).  Instead, I am here to validate that all the crazy emotional and physical experiences you are going through are real and are really difficult.  Like so darn difficult that some days you aren’t sure you will survive even one more hour, minute, or second.

I get it.  I understand.

I honestly consider myself one of the “lucky” ones in that my morning sickness had pretty much subsided by weeks 16 to 17.  And unlike many women, though I felt nauseous most of the day, I was not someone who was throwing up multiple times per day or with every meal.  It may seem crazy to feel lucky for that, but I am well aware that I was.

At the time, however, you certainly would not have found me referring to myself as lucky.  I felt so terrible that I could hardly get out of bed and yet I was expected to shower, look presentable, go to work for eight hours, cook, eat healthy meals, keep a clean house, be social during the holidays, and just generally be a kind and pleasant person to be around.

Seriously though… screw expectations.  The majority of those things absolutely did not happen.  If I got out of bed after snoozing my alarm four times, it was a win.  If I got dressed and managed to eat something (anything, even gluten-free cookies) for breakfast, it was a win.  If I put on a tiny bit of makeup and pulled my hair back while sitting on the bathroom floor because I couldn’t stand for too long, it was a win.  If I drove into work running 20 minutes late and walked the 15 minutes to my building while praying that I made it there, it was a win.  If I made it through a full eight hours of work despite having to shut my office door and lay on the floor from time to time, it was a win.  If I managed to eat any type of food (cereal, gluten-free pretzels, cheese, gluten-free toaster pastries, candy, etc.), it was a win.  And if I actually made it through a full day and could climb into bed before 8:00 at night, it was a win.  This was essentially my life for about eleven weeks.

One of the most difficult parts about it all was knowing that so many people just didn’t “get it.”  They say that about three-fourths of women experience morning sickness with pregnancy, but I am just not buying that.  Since getting pregnant, I have encountered person after person after person who never experienced any such thing.  I’m sure you can imagine my reaction to that.  It was something along the lines of, “Seriously?  That is so not fair!  You have no idea what it is like.”  And I’m sure you feel the same way.  So don’t for a second feel bad about the fact that some people just don’t get it and never will.  Don’t lose your faith when they have no idea what it is like to feel hungover every minute of every day week after week.  In fact, it took my husband having a nasty hangover after a night of fun with friends before I think he really “got it.”  I believe it went something along the lines of “I feel so bad for you.  You felt like this for three months?”  Yes, yes I did.  Women with morning sickness aren’t making it up or trying to get attention.  They are truly struggling.  You may be truly struggling.  And I, for one, feel deeply for you.

Though some may never “get it,” please know that it is completely okay to simply do whatever you have to do to make it through.

It is okay if getting out of bed is your accomplishment for the day… or not getting out of bed at all.

It is okay if the only food you can stomach is “junk” and you do not eat anything remotely “healthy” for weeks.

It is okay if you are not happy and cheerful.

It is okay if you get annoyed by people who have no idea what morning sickness is like, yet pretend to (or even at me for writing this post since my morning sickness was not nearly as bad as it could have been!).

It is okay if you do not cook an actual meal for months.

It is okay if your house looks like a tornado hit week after week.

It is okay if you go days without showering.

It is okay if you tell your husband he cannot cook anything that requires the stove or microwave because you simply will not be able to handle the smell.

It is okay if none of the natural morning sickness remedies work for you and you choose to use medication.

It is okay if your professional or work life has to be put on the back burner (like this blog).

It is okay if your idea of exercise is getting out of bad and walking to your car.

What I’m trying to get at here is that morning sickness is really rough.  And you do not have to and should not have to feel like you need to do it all (nor should you actually do it all).  Instead, do your best and know that it does get better.  Now that I am on the other side of it, I can say that.  At the time, it seemed like it would never end.  But in fact, it will!  I swear, every baby kick I feel makes the painful memories of morning sickness fade more and more.

And finally, even though this may be far from what you want to hear right now, don’t forget how blessed you are.  Even when I felt at my worst, I always tried to remind myself of that.  There are so many women who would love to have morning sickness as they struggle to get pregnant or have a viable pregnancy.  While morning sickness may be one of our greatest struggles, it is also accompanied by an immense gift!

Oh, and don’t ever forget that you are a straight-up badass.  Seriously.  This experience is proof that you can do and accomplish ANYTHING!